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Start of Men's team weekend [Apr. 19th, 2007|08:51 am]
Radical Men

redslime
My men's team is going off for another weekend together today. I will try to update and cross post to radical_men.

I have not been writing much lately because I am overwhelmed. Also the things I really need to explore are hard to put here. That is something I need to wrestle with.

The work thing is still pending, and that is hard. It hard enough for me to stay motivated and to have that on top of it is really tough. I really wish I didn't like the place so much, then I would just exit stage left.
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From Sea Ranch with the Men [May. 27th, 2006|07:49 am]
Radical Men

redslime


My men's team is hanging out processing. Eating, sleeping, talking, walking, farting, being men together and being intimate. If you are a man get with other men. If you live in the Bay Area check out nom.org, and in any case google men's teams, or something like that. I have been doing this for almost 15 years and I can tell you that few things will enhance your life like becoming intimate with a group of men. Men that will become more than your bothers. Men that you will trust more than family with your life and your deepest secrets, fears, hopes and dreams. Nothing I can tell you about what it is will explain it. It is different from hanging with friends, but it is hanging with friends. It takes a commitment second only to marriage to get it to work. You need to meet every week. It will be at least a year before you really get how worthwhile it is. After ten you will know that it has completely changed you, that in many ways you were not really alive before. It is not for weak men, it takes courage to expose yourself to be real. It take courage to contain other men no matter what their shit might be -- not because their shit is a big deal, but because yours is.

I have something that changes men's lives for the better and I want to share it. I'm reminded of horses and water.

The team has eight men. The youngest is about 40, and the oldest about seventy. I wonder why we waited so long.

A team is different than a group of friends. There is a commitment to containment and confidentiality. The loyalty and camaraderie develop over time. It takes at least one man willing, because he needs to, to dive deeper into the psyche. Maybe that is why we wait so long. It takes some time before we realize the need to dive, to submerge into what we are. Youth is so naive about what it can accomphish by itself without support and reflection.

That's enough.
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8 Poems for 8 men from John [Mar. 2nd, 2006|08:20 am]
Radical Men

redslime
From the Poet Laureate 2006 of our men's team before going on the power seat tonight.

----

God Wars
 
Blood and dust
are drying  
on the soft crown
of the world
 
Midwives wail
while the powerful
sacrifice the powerless
to decide 
the name 
of god.
 
Bring me water
my hands are ready
for we hold the world
as the instruments
of thy peace.
 
    
 
-------------------------------------------------
 
 
Incoming
 
there is no terror today
       in falling
not a glimpse of shadow
though I've worn those clothes.
 
I've been dancing with the possibility
that I didn't need to catch up
with anything, after chasing
my life like a train.
 
You gave me something
or I gave me something
I wasn't sure, till I let it go...
like coming into the atmosphere
burning every element
turning to light.
 
 
----------------------------------------------------
 
 
Urban Jungle
 
Jetstream redtails
weave the high eucalyptus
the gulls paint a helix
for heaven's delight.
 
Red fox of the city
wisened gorilla
set in a safehouse
waiting for night.
 
 
---------------------------------------------
 
 
FOG
 
This morning's fog was cooling,
dense, like an infinite mirror
all distractions exploded into 
a trillion droplets
 
 
--------------------------------------------
 
The Promise
 
Young angry men
are no longer hopeless
having entered the bliss of heaven
-their mothers
unlike Mary
will bear the crucifixion 
alone.
 
And neat rows
of spiked rifles
stand like silent minarets
their chinstraps hanging
like misplaced prayer flags
in the holy city of 
Falluja.
 
What have Jesus and Mohamed
made of us? 
or what have we made of them
crumpled there in the street
hauled away on carts
gasping their last prayers
under the righteous 
rubble of peace.
 
     11/10/2004
        
 
 
------------------------------------
 
 
Fly Fisherman
 
I like to walk at lunch
past the tiny ballerina
partnered to rhythmic ribbon
of one pound test.
 
Mid day Tea ceremony
on the waterless green 
soft stroking my blueness 
into golden trout.
 
This quintessential conductor
tickling dandelion tympani's
sculpts the still water
into rivers flow.
 
Stop! A fish jumped!
can you feel the ripples? 
landing there as a smile
on the moon...
 
 
----------------------------------------
 
John Paul
 
If I could ask
in that darkest hour
were you saved
or forsaken...
could I rest there
in your eyes
entering your death
and so 
    accept mine?
 
That we dress god
in silk, and wave smoke
to adorn our mystery
reflects the yearning.
 
That you chose your myth
in search of the infinite
is the point.
 
 
------------------------------------------
 
Silo on the Dakotas
 
It's been a generation 
since they dug the cold earth 
having to heat the concrete
for those casements
across the Plains
 
The sub-zeros
still dust the ground
with visions
of white ash 
and buried dread.
 
I wonder if we've thawed enough
to remember how cold we felt
having broken the membrane 
once. and then again....
catapulting those cities
into the mouth
of god.
 
       
   1/12/2005
 
 
---------------------------------
 
you have pleasured me
 
you have pleasured me
between words
like quiet water.
 
I am cast
in the last flurry
of winter leaves
those tenacious ones
that held their place
now relenting.
 
So I lay in wonder
happy not to know
grateful once more
I am torn
from safe mooring
into the wild night
allowing the larger purpose
to unfold itself.


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Process process [Feb. 10th, 2006|12:22 am]
Radical Men

redslime
our process is going quite wornderfully
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Questions for Men to Men [Jan. 13th, 2006|07:55 am]
Radical Men

redslime
[mood |sadsad]


  • Who are you? Who are you really? This is a question that might be asked and re-asked in a process this drives deeper with each asking..

  • Are you honest and trustworthy?

  • How will you connect to me and will you contribute to my growth?

  • Who do you want to be?

  • What is the process by which you change?

  • What might you have been?

  • What do you like about your life now?

  • How do you see your life moving forward from here?

  • How would like your team, the other men in your life, to support you as go forward?

  • What is important?

  • What do you despair about?

  • What do you want in your life that you don’t have now?

  • What goals do you have? Do they make you larger?

  • What really happened when …?

  • What makes you great in bed?

  • What inspires you?

  • What is the best fuck of you life?

  • What would it take for you to kill another man?

  • What is the best/worst thing you have n/ever done?

  • Would you rather be a winner or a lover?

  • Who’s your daddy?

  • Who’s your mama?

  • What are you committed to?

  • How do you take/seek support?

  • What is the hardest thing for you to do?

  • … more questions here …

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Radicalman moves [Nov. 13th, 2005|02:08 pm]
Radical Men

redslime
The fortunes of time and space visited me this morning and so I went with the Skin Man Radman’s house to help a little with the packing and wish him well and meet his daughters. The daughters were wonderful. I’m so glad I went by and got to see the better part of my radical friend.

NTL, there is sadness in seeing radical one, sadness about not living life fully. The contrast with the daughters highlights the premature passing.
Red s.
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what’s in a fucks [Oct. 27th, 2005|07:55 am]
Radical Men

redslime
[mood |busy]

I called the guys fucks in an e-mail the other day and to my surprise this has caused some drama. I suspect that part of the drama is that I am removed from easy access to my e-mail these days and so a great deal of time goes by before I respond. This was compounded the other day when my mail server was also down in the afternoon. I had written a long response asking for what I wanted but I did not go out until late that evening. I wrote some thoughts about it in my journal that night also. The e-mail generated a response from one of my brothers where he seemed to be upset he said he didn’t like being called a fuck and called me a Fuck back. I’m not actually sure that he was upset or if upset how upset, but I responded back with "then don't act like one." Which he says found he found so alienating he almost threw-up! .

The morning that I sent the e-mail with the offensive phrase I was responding to the fact that I asked for feedback on a specific event but had only phrased the question in the negative and I can only assume hence got minimal feedback. I don’t want to defend or promote calling people fucks, but in my mind calling a bunch of guys fucks is shorthand for “hey gentlemen you are acting like typical guys here and not responding to the meaning of the thing at hand, because its inconvenient” The same as say calling them dick-heads.

I notice that I am resistant to apologizing. I am sorry if my friend was hurt but the response was, in my reality, over large. I have decided to sit with it and see what comes up on the team. The trouble is that other than one “I don’t want to play,” only the usual players are at the table. I find myself tired of mediating these things. I want my team members to get in and fight for some elbow room at the table rather then stand back and observe. Does loving someone mean always making nice? Can men be brothers rather than hold each other at arms length. Can they argue, wrestle, disagree, and then play together like it never happened?

I wonder how it is that my brother would find what I said offensive, but I don’t really want this to be about any personal reaction. I want to claw to some higher level of thought about this, I want to understand how we might embrace each other more fully. And maybe we are, maybe that is exactly what this interaction is. I can’t see to the other side of it yet.

In real-time I realize that I am not finished with this and I find that I will put off responding directly to it with this post until I am. This means some unknown delay. Hopefully I will be done tonight, as this is the Wednesday morning.

It is now Thrusday morning and I don’t have time to think more about right now so I will post it and maybe follow later.


rs
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Weekend [Apr. 20th, 2005|06:48 am]
Radical Men

redslime
A great weekend. You men are awesome.

As always we go places that are unexpected and brighter than we could have hoped. To me it seems that intention is the key.

I wanted to share my poem with everyone again.

-------
Cracks in God

Walking on the beach, considering
Considering I can’t remember what
The sand crunching under my feet,
Warm sun on face, arms, the comforting
Sound of waves. Fresh air filling
Nostrils with salt air.
Walking across the nesting ground
Smooth sand in patches several steps
Across, I walk over the mini dunes,
Ripples in the surface. Short green stalks
Hold the ground forming the dunes.
How can life be so tenacious?
I wonder at the prefect-ness of this
At how prefect life is, how can this be?
Accepting this as true, I look anew
Nothing I see is countable nothing is one or two,
But, all is one, there is no me, not bird
No plant, not grain of sand
Just transitions, translating transformations
The eyes see, the sun is warm, nostrils flair
Breathing in the sweet odor of
Life that fills the lungs
It enters here in what I call awake, because
I have not other words.
Awake is too small for that entry
It shows me the perfect whole
In that whole I am a ripple,
A flaw, a crack,
Holding form just as the
Mini-dunes I stride over.
How? How could this be?
Mind throws up possibilities,
The answer is always yes.
Yes, just because,
Yes, experience is wanted
Yes, God said
Yes, God asked.
Yes, desire
Yes, yes, yes.
Maybe, ... its just a crack.

r.slime
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Commitment to ourselves [Mar. 26th, 2005|11:17 am]
Radical Men

redslime
[mood |thoughtfulthoughtful]

I have a question I would like us to look at as a team. Why is it we have a hard time making it to 10PM? At least this is my impression. It seems to me that we check in and it is over, there is no energy to stay and talk, to process, to go deeper; there seems to be more energy directed on getting out by ten than to probing deeper.

r.slime
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Five A Words to comtemplate [Feb. 25th, 2005|07:32 am]
Radical Men

redslime
Five words of Wisdom, from a book about relationship that tuscarawas was sharing with us. The words come from the book, but the commentary is mine.

One of the things I notice about these words is that they are all two-way words: both something I want from others and something I can give. These all seem to be deep needs in my human psyche.

Attention: I have heard attention called a need by a non-conforming psychiatrist I know. Usually, I think of it as something I give, or get. Sometimes parts of me crave attention, and I especially like when those parts get attention from someone else than me. I notice that when I turn my attention to you I forget myself and in that forgetting there is freedom and peace. I need attention to know that I am cared for and loved.

Acceptance: For a long time in my life this was one of the most difficult things for me to give others, and myself. At the same time I know, on reflection, that it was something I craved. In recent time, I notice a great deal more self-acceptance in me. This self-acceptance has some alchemist power in me, making everything easier at the same time. I realize though that I still go through short bouts of extreme self-rejection. I think that acceptance is a gift I can give others, but I notice that I cannot separate it from attention; acceptance without attention seems vacuous.

Appreciation: This is a funny word to me in the context of these others. Maybe this is because I am weak at giving appreciation. I will let appreciation into my life and see what it brings.

Affection: Attention with positive regard? I give affection to my daughter and my wife. I have affection for my friends. I notice that affection is word with borders for me. Sexuality and affection are closely related in my mind. There is clearly an emotional affection that is not sexual, but it the feeling around it is that I need to guard it. I feel cannot for instance afford to give a lot of affection to a female friend that is not my wife without feeling that it might spill over into some violation of the limits I have set up in my life to support my marriage. I feel the need to examine these borders in me and understand their origin. I want to be free here without it being a violation of primary relationships. This is a place that has been moving in my life along with the others.

Allowing: As I first read these words, allowing did not seem to fit. Now, after examining the others, I sense that allowing is a direct result of integrating the other four in my being. When I can give and take attention, acceptance, appreciation, and affection, then I can allow whatever is, inside-outside-and-in-between, to be.

r.slime
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